How to deal?

They say that whatever you acted like as a kid is paid back to you through your own children. I don't know that it is actually true, but children often do end up acting like their parents? Is it because God wants "payback" for all the wrong you've done in your life? No, I really don't think so. I don't think God operates in that way. I think at least part of it is that they are actually imitating what they see going on NOW but do it to a greater degree! (Kids want to do what their parents do but to a greater degree, right? That applies to all areas of life.)
Ugh. I know, right?
"So it's all my fault?" Yes. Well, it is at least partially my fault. I am the one they see day in and day out. What else are they going to act like? Here's a question: would you let your kids watch you on TV? Eww. That's a tough one.
I have one particular child who is very much like me! Very. Much. I am at a point where she wants to do everything I do. I mean, at 4 1/2 years old, isn't she ready to do all that mom does? Clearly, we disagree on this point. I tell her not to boss, not to feed the baby without asking, not to pick up her three year old sister, not to, not to, not to.... And I feel as though I'm about to lose my mind! BUT! But, I know that as my children 4 children grow and as my firstborn daughter, I know that I am going to need her help so much! I can see her being my right arm! Te thing is, she's good as what does. She has a nurturing mothers heart. She loves babies! Her memory, unlike my mommy brain post 4 kiddos, is sharp as a tack. She can remember stuff better than me sometimes! So I know I will need her! And ultimately, I want a good lasting relationship, and eventually friendship, with my daughter.
So my question is: how do I get there without killing OR alienating her? Thoughts anyone?
The first two people I asked this question to immediately responded with "PRAY!" I need to do that more! And I am actively working on that. Buying don't feel that is enough so that leaves me wondering I really think God is big enough to handle my kids? Obviously, there are some things in me that may need to change too! Trust God. For real. I can loosen some of my control issues with my kids and allow them to be helpful and to be a part of things with me. I can find ways to intentionally bless my daughter and spend time with her. (ie.- take her to Ladies meeting with me once a month even though I really want to e alone. I'm told that one day I'll miss the company!).
On a related but bigger note: I am trying to work on not raising my voice at my kids but sound kind instead of harsh to them.
So, feel free to give your perspective on this subject and PLEASE feel free to pray for me. I need all I can get to make it through this parenting 4 kids thing! It's tough! A wild, but great ride!